Communicative Struggle, A Little Disconnected

Writer's block..... damn.

Well i wanted to write about communication, i think it's extremely important. I've always had a lot of trouble with it. In school, growing up, I was always very quiet and reserved. I never really tried to stand out, i hated having to be in front of a lot of people or anything remotely social. It led me to having enough friends to count on one hand for the first 16 years of my life. My struggle with being social had a bit of a bad effect on my mind though.

As I grew up I only got quieter and quieter, more and more shy. I'd go out and try to have fun and such, but I'd always be sitting alone, lost in my own head because I was too shy to try and explore someone else's. I honestly look back and wish I had never been that way. Wish I could have let my social skills develop like everyone else's. Maybe it would have made life a little easier.

The effects of my struggle are still apparent to me today. I still feel like my brain never got the chance to develop that part of it fully, as if I'm a little disconnected. For the longest time I could never explain why when I try to talk to someone the words don't always want to come out, but when I'd write, I'd always be amazed at how much I really had to say,how much just failed to come out when my mouth was open.

In a way I feel like I'm more balanced now. I've gained the social skills enough to be satisfied with how I communicate with people, but I feel that my writing skills have taken a definite decline. So now i have to try, try and make my writing comparable to how it once was while keeping myself sane and satisfied with my abilities in communication.