Milk and Cookies

Shortbread animal crackers aren't quite as good as the real deal but they will do. So the new job is off to a pretty good start. Seems fairly easy, retail, cashiering, stuff like that. Two more weeks until the income makes and impact.

The more I am around them, the less of a dog person I become. They beg, piss everywhere, and just generally kill for attention. Well in their defense the last three I've been around have been fairly defiant in their own ways. If it's not bad training it's just a thing of personality. Oh ya, and the barking, so unnecessary.

The relationship is going very well. Better than it has as of late, she's happy. She's finally started to be happier again and I couldn't be happier. It's just nice to see her with a smile on her face, I personally don't think it gets any better than that. I love her.

Tonight my account finally expires, just as we start to show some real advancement. Just three more days would make all the difference in my opinion. Then again I'd like to play until the day the expansion comes out now. Then again again, I'm sure that once that day came I'd want to play the xpac.

There go the dogs again. Christ

/Quit

It's time to be responsible again. Time to make my life progress. I'm on the eve of a new oppritunity in my life and I have to make the most of it. Save, save, save, work, work, work. It's been quite a while since I've had the ability to really take charge of my situation and now with some new coming events I feel that I can again.

Life is always what you make of it. I unfortunatly feel that as long as I am busy I am living just fine. It's not always that case, especially not now. I don't just live for me anymore and I need to take that into far more consideration. I've been very negligent of the person who needs me, I've been selfish and it isn't right. I've made up my mind to cut out my hobby because it's draining me of hours and hours of my time that can be used for things that are actually tangable.

I suppose I should try and actually start to make something out of myself. I plan on getting back to school as soon as I possible can. My new employer is going to be a great help in making that goal accomplished. I'd also love to learn Brazilian Jui-Jitsu and Muay Thai, but that's not happening until I can actually afford it, and even then, it'll be another three hours every other day that I'll be selfishly absorbing for myself. So I don't really know what to do. I've made up my mind on my hobby/addiction, but the way I am means that I'm not going to be happy being idle.

Well now I need to find something new to do with my time.

Routine

So my days are becoming more and more routine and it's starting to get old. I guess I'm just getting comfortable, too comfortable. I need to try and get my drive back, try and get my life together again. At this point I should be well on my way towards my goal, but I've let myself be sucked into a comfort zone. So now I have to pop my own bubble and get back out there and find a path.

Employment will be the first thing that I seek. It's been far too long since I've had a steady form of income, I need it. I have to get my life going before too much of it slips away from me. I feel like if I don't get my path selected soon that I'll be drowned in the ever increasing flood of time past.

The routine of my day is keeping me from really leaving any kind of impact on my memory. Each day seems relativly exactly as the day previous. Nothing new, nothing really old, just all the same, over and over. I need to be given a reason to wake up in the morning, other than "well it's noon I should get up I guess."

Eh

So I was fairly unhappy today and I don't know why. I tried to put reason to it, but I'm really just unsure as to why. I tried to have what I consider fun and it didn't do anything but make it worse I suppose. I guess I'm just bored, I don't really do anything anymore. For some damn reason my typing isn't going very well. Stupid poor finger dexterity. Anyways, I just got upset. Somewhere between listening to videotapes of someone else's memories from childhood and thinking about how mine wasn't very eventful, and thinking about how my current life is still more of the same. I suppose it just upset me to think that I haven't really done much with my life yet. I've missed out on events in the typical format of a teen/young adults life on purpose and I suppose this is what regret feels like. Not having stories of my own to bring up in relevance, no real opinions on things that everyone has experienced. I suppose I feel left out of life, even though I know that it was me that was doing the leaving out.

But even looking at my life as a whole as of today, I'm not doing anything to change it. I'm being safe, secure, locking myself away. I'm letting simple, pointless things absorb my time like I always do. I don't feel like I'm doing much to really live my life, and I don't think I know where to begin on making that better. Where should I go? What should I do? Simple questions that have fairly difficult answers to acquire.

I just don't know why I got sad today. I need to try more. Try to make memories, make stories that I can tell and call my own. I suppose without memories we are nothing, without having knowledge of our previous existence, maybe we never had reason to exist in the first place. I underestimate the importance of the time that I waste on simple things that in the end mean nothing. I could be doing so much more, making so much more of my time and my life. I just have chosen not to, which I'm sure that the more time I take to avoid life, the more I'll look back and hate myself for doing so. If it makes me sad to look back and feel that I didn't do enough with my adolescence and childhood, imagine how I'd feel looking back and feeling that I didn't do enough with my whole life.

It's just a trying life, and a life in which you have to try.

Hope

I'm pretty hopeful a person. I think hope is something that we all should allow ourselves to be driven by. It's not certainty, but it can be very real. Without risk there is nothing to gain right? So by that I feel that hope can be very acceptable. It drives me and it drives a lot of people that I know, and when it's not present in a person's life, it's saddening. To see someone without any hope saddens me. Giving up on hope is like turning off every light in your world. It's like killing every fiber of your being that wants to progress in life happily.

Hope is often misunderstood I think. People demand centainty, which isn't always a bad thing, but to give up on hope and not be able to risk a what if, that's just not living. We need our comforts in life, whether it be religion, love, or solely something of entertainment, hope is something that we crave. It's my belief that everyone hopes for something, for some reason instilled within them. There's no point to living without hope, and if you have a heartbeat, you have a hopeful prayer in your being.

I just wish our world could show more hope, more faith in what feels right. We've advanced a lot in our species. As human beings we can really make the decision as to whether something is true or false, real or fake, we just tend to not open some books. It's a tricky thing to ask however, to try and falsify beliefs, faiths, hopes. I for one am not a believer in organized religious belief, I think it's dangerous and should not be taken literally. I would not seek to falsify it however, I feel that people need their comforts in this life, without them I feel that the masses of believers would corrupt and destroy us all.