Eh

So I was fairly unhappy today and I don't know why. I tried to put reason to it, but I'm really just unsure as to why. I tried to have what I consider fun and it didn't do anything but make it worse I suppose. I guess I'm just bored, I don't really do anything anymore. For some damn reason my typing isn't going very well. Stupid poor finger dexterity. Anyways, I just got upset. Somewhere between listening to videotapes of someone else's memories from childhood and thinking about how mine wasn't very eventful, and thinking about how my current life is still more of the same. I suppose it just upset me to think that I haven't really done much with my life yet. I've missed out on events in the typical format of a teen/young adults life on purpose and I suppose this is what regret feels like. Not having stories of my own to bring up in relevance, no real opinions on things that everyone has experienced. I suppose I feel left out of life, even though I know that it was me that was doing the leaving out.

But even looking at my life as a whole as of today, I'm not doing anything to change it. I'm being safe, secure, locking myself away. I'm letting simple, pointless things absorb my time like I always do. I don't feel like I'm doing much to really live my life, and I don't think I know where to begin on making that better. Where should I go? What should I do? Simple questions that have fairly difficult answers to acquire.

I just don't know why I got sad today. I need to try more. Try to make memories, make stories that I can tell and call my own. I suppose without memories we are nothing, without having knowledge of our previous existence, maybe we never had reason to exist in the first place. I underestimate the importance of the time that I waste on simple things that in the end mean nothing. I could be doing so much more, making so much more of my time and my life. I just have chosen not to, which I'm sure that the more time I take to avoid life, the more I'll look back and hate myself for doing so. If it makes me sad to look back and feel that I didn't do enough with my adolescence and childhood, imagine how I'd feel looking back and feeling that I didn't do enough with my whole life.

It's just a trying life, and a life in which you have to try.